Epic Jokes

Did you know that there are 206 bones in the adult human body and there are 300 in children (as they grow some of the bones fuse together). Flea’s can jump 130 times higher than their own height. In human terms this is equal to a 6ft. person jumping 780 ft. into the air. The [...]

At the end of a long crime fighting day, Superman decides he needs to relax for a few hours, so he rings spiderman to see if he’d like to go out for a drink. Spiderman replies "No, I have to repair my web spinner." So, Superman rings a few more of his super hero friends [...]

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth. "I’m afraid I don’t have a husband" she replies "O.K. do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife "No, no boyfriend either." "Do you have a partner [...]

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering. Finally, God said, "Cool it. I’m going to set up a test that will run two hours, and i will judge who [...]

Earl and his wife Diane went to the state fair every year, and every year Earl would say, "Diane, I’d like to ride in that stunt airplane." Diane always replied, "I know, Earl, but that airplane ride costs 50 dollars, and 50 dollars is 50 dollars." One year Earl and Diane went to the fair [...]

Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. [...]

A young guy from Alberta moves to Vancouver and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Alberta ." Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. [...]

The questions are: . 1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat? 4. Do you think she is prettier than me? 5. What would you do if I died? What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument [...]

Two rednecks, Bubba And Billy Bob, were walking through a pasture. Bubba sees a sheep caught up in a fence and says to Billy Bob "I’m gonna get me some of that"! Bubba goes over and sticks the sheep’s back feet in his rubber boots, unzips his pants and starts to have sex with the [...]

Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson, and bragged that despite his 72 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night. Kylie Minogue, who was also a guest, looked intrigued. After the show, Kyle said, “Sean, if I am not being too forward, I’d love to have sex with an older [...]