Archive for May, 2010
Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path. Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Ooh dad, there’s one." "No," said the father. "There’s not enough meat on that [...]
May 31st, 2010 | Posted in People | No Comments
Aaron Thetires (Air in the tires) Aaron C. Reskew (Air & sea rescue) Abe Rudder (Hey brother) Achilles Punks (I’ll kill these punks) Adam Bomb (Atom bomb) Adam Meway (Out of my way) Adam Sapple (Adam’s apple) Adolf Oliver Nipples (Ate off all of her nipples) Ahmed Adoodie (I made a doodie – from The [...]
May 30th, 2010 | Posted in Text | 1,152 Comments
It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist’s son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "That’s right" the boy said, "but how did you know?" "Oh, just [...]
May 30th, 2010 | Posted in School | 672 Comments
A man gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What’s up?" he says. "I’m having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone for ambulance, but just as he’s dialing, [...]
May 29th, 2010 | Posted in People | No Comments
A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland. She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked: "Excuse me Father, could I ask a favor?" "Of course my child, What can I do for you?" "Here is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remover gadget for [...]
May 29th, 2010 | Posted in Religion | No Comments
Dear Child, I am writing this slow because I know that you can’t read fast. We don’t live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved. I won’t be able to send you the address, as the [...]
May 24th, 2010 | Posted in People | No Comments
Chuck Norris once beat up his shadow because it acted too much like him. – Donald Chuck Norris dosen’t close, he opens backwards. – Donald Chuck Norris once had sex in the back of a pick up truck and some of his sperm leaked into the engine. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime. [...]
May 16th, 2010 | Posted in People | No Comments
Chinese, Russian, Japanese, American, and North Korean police officers gather and decide to assess their investigative capacity. Under the watchful eye of their supervisors, each team gets a mouse, then lets it loose, and the mouse runs up a big mountain. The winning team is the one that manages to catch and bring back the [...]
May 15th, 2010 | Posted in Political | 256 Comments
Harry: So you got fired again, eh? Lloyd: Oh yeah. They always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident, you know? Harry: Yeah, well, I lost my job too. Lloyd: Man, you are one pathetic loser. No offense. Harry: No, none taken. You know what really chaps my ass though? I spent [...]
May 15th, 2010 | Posted in Text | No Comments
A few minutes before the church services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone had exited the church except [...]
May 11th, 2010 | Posted in Religion | 132 Comments