A young Swedish woman, old Dutch woman, an Englishman, and an Irishman are riding a train… The train goes through a tunnel and it becomes pitch black in the car, a loud SMACK is heard… the train emerges from the tunnel and the Englishman is rubbing his cheek. The Swedish girl thinks "I bet he [...]
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient’s room to find his patient sitting on the floor, sawing at a piece of wood with the side of his hand. Meanwhile, another patient was in the room, hanging from the ceiling by his feet.The doctor asked his patient what [...]
“Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.” Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949 “I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.” Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943 “I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I [...]
On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said: "That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten [...]
I’ve smoked fatter joints than that. Ahhhh, it’s cute. Why don’t we just cuddle? You know they have surgery to fix that. Make it dance. Can I paint a smiley face on it? Wow, and your feet are so big. It’s OK, we’ll work around it. Will it squeak if I squeeze it? Oh no… [...]
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. It’s always darkest before dawn, so [...]
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, and after finishing their dinner they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." "I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" [...]
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let’s [...]
If you’re cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include something from each of the four major male food groups: Meat, Fried, Beer, and Red. When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is only joking. Unless the answer is yes. In which case, can he videotape [...]
A guy who purchased his wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this. Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, [...]
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